Once there was a white girl.
acne Fair skin, braces straight teeth. had cancer Thick hair, has no self esteem slender. flawed in every way Flawless without comparison.
She woke up, and doesn't believe in God said her daily prayers. she was hardly Human.

She went to Starkbucks.
 to nostalgically drown. to feel any kind of warmth glide down her throat to the inside her body where she could relive the warmth she used to have.
to pretend to fall in love again.
to fill that void deep in her heart mind.
 She drowned out those memories of those boys she never kissed
that made her bleed to redirect the pain into her beautiful mind. She dated the tool shed and never had her fist kiss kissed her way through high school.
She fell in love or so she thought.

She danced but her legs decided to give out because her heart wasn't was in the movement.
she could barely move. all she could feel was the numbness of her bones that break with the touch of the knife that was thrown so deep into her back heart. she hurt. but she had to smile.
She was perfect imperfect.

her entire world was sunshine inside of a computer screen that she forgot what life looked like inside of a mirror. The world took over her thoughts like how that boy took over her soul and her mind that she forgot to think for herself.

so you may ask who is this girl? she doesn't even know herself.

Im different.

2 chains? 3 chains? doesn't make a difference.
 This world is a joke. and life is a joke. so put your hair down and get drunk..
drunk in love. drunk in your dreams. drunk in your kiss. drunk in this world. drunk in your arms and in your chest. 

 drunk enough to lay there with you. Unconsciously humming the tune of the duet in our hearts flowing with alcohol. That runs through our bloodstreams and into every one of our veins and where in your very eyes, I swear I see stars.
 Drunk enough to scream our favorite raps songs from the rooftops so we don't start the fight we know we'll lose because we fight. We're all fighting.
We fight for that front row of life. We want those "free tickets" you win on those radio stations no one seems to listen to anymore. but the hesitation and the doubt seem to get to our heads before the phone.
and the process of creating our own music comes to a halt.
We went to make something unique and of our own,  but we're all liars and cheaters just trying to make our pennys worth throughout the day.
we steal in the process of putting on a show for those judgmental strangers in the world to clap to.
"middle finger up to my competition" became so real.

Take me to Paris.
Travel with me to a place of unceasing love and romance.
Give me your simple words in a language only we could understand. 

Take me on a tour through the garden of your hiding places & show me what it's like to fall in love again.

Show me your look outs.
Tell me what I am in your eyes. 

Give me the light in your heart & show me the safety in your touch.

Shower me with a love so thick no soap could wash us off. 

Whisper the words that captured my heart in place with no remembrance of pain and heartbreak.

Take me back to heaven where you & I belong.

Hike with me to the top of the world. Where one day we can create worlds of our own.

Hold me tight and never let go, so we can fall & fall asleep.

Create a life through a journey in your mind where all we do is dream. 

So lets dream. 

Rules to writing a missionary.

1. keep it short

2. don't get too deep

3. don't talk about your life

4. keep it clean

5. restrain from pouring out your heart

6. don't swear

7. don't talk about your problems

8. don't send pictures
9. don't make him miss you
10. don't make him upset

11. don't fall in love with him again because he's not here
12. don't tell him you're sorry and that you made a mistake
13. don't tell him you don't know if you believe in a God anymore
14. don't write him back

15. Don't write a missionary

The Intellilectual are a species of humans beyond this world with hearts that go no farther than the ribcage.

They're stuck. with desk in a classroom where they exercise the only organ in their body they know how to use. 

We've been taught to base our futures off a series of numbers and AP Classes. But news flash, the world goes beyond a textbook.

As a youth they took away our crayons full of color and were replaced with gray #2 pencils to be exactly like the other kid. They told us to dress a certain way. To learn the same information. To earn to same letter grade. To color in the lines. For what? 

Knowledge is outside of yourself. It's travel. It's loving people and creating your self into something beautiful to write about.

So don't tell me that bookwork is the only way to create a future. and don't you dare tell me that my life is determined by a number on a 4 hour test or that my skirt is too short, 

because it's not. 

Create yourself.

Leave the Chemicals and Equations to the non-religious and the 35's and get the hell out of High School.

After graduation everything is erased and you're left with a blank sheet of paper. So pull out your crayons and create your life. Be yourself. because no one will ever care enough to look at anyone's paper besides their own. 

Hats make my face look wide. 

and my oval shaped head has never been the right size. 

the curls in my hair are never where they should be.

My contacts have never seemed to stay in. and i still have food left in my teeth from last night.

most colors don't compliment with my skin or my eyes and no ripped pair of jeans can cut me a break. and i don't even like to shop. 

but I'm still here.

& i can't find someone to pick me off the floor of isle 1.

but all you can do is lay there waiting for anyone to trip and throw you back into the pile of the used and clearance shirts. where you're hung up for years wondering why does no one want me? 

i was beautiful once.

and yes, i was beautiful. and you were beautiful too and what we had was beautiful.
Our edges were jagged and your imperfections fit to mine in perfect harmony no choir could hit our notes.

The way my hands felt through your hair and your smell made my knees go weak so i fell.

& one day you'll find that one accessory that just gets you. because yes, it is just an accessory. and you'll never want to take him off. 

it's the one that shows you you're indescribably beautiful among all of the rest. and you'll love way that he'll make your hair curl. he doesn't mind what you look like underneath with his simplicity. but it's going to be a wild ride so hold tight to your hats,

because some have lost theirs. 

My curfew is midnight.

 but at 6:18, you had me.

You swept me off of my feet at a time where i began to question myself and who i was inside. 

I had nothing when suddenly i had everything, and

 I'm afraid of heights.

but those dimples combined with your uneven smile had my heart fall for you so i jumped.

It seemed like no time limit could've put an end to feelings but I don't own a watch and I'm not much of a hiker.  my toes are always cold and i don't know if i love to drive yet, but with you i would've hiked to the top of mount everest. i love the views. and the midnight lights entice my entire soul in an indescribable way. 

you looked at me the way i had never been looked at before. 

you held me in your arms and carved our names into a tree that was never meant to be cut down. 

we danced under no sun with those gleaming brown eyes bright like stars i had never seen before.

 You had my heart singing but you were tone deaf. &

i didn't mind it, so we sang. 

we sang loud.  Loud enough to where the 3rd level of our spot could hear us from that rock we felt awkward on until I lost myself in the tune of your heartbeat. 

I could feel that tune deep as my chest wanted to match the sound of yours. 

You were the first who lit that fire in my heart. I didn't even know how to start a fire but you taught me. 

I might have whined a few times but our fingers intertwined and my mind was finally silent. 

The moment that match was lit I was burning with a flame that traveled throughout my whole body and up to my throat and tingled in my lips.

i didn't know how to kiss but we did. and oh how I was so warm. 

You were patient and we sparked on that freezing cold road of flashing lights.

 Not even the cops could take back what you had stolen from me. 

but I had no idea what to expect. It was like receiving a moving citation without a warning or an instruction manual. 

My heart raced so fast that my 15 minute mile would've been proud. but you got tired. 

so we laid together yet i was still alone.

Lights always go out & the smell of candles eventually start to make me feel sick.

I denied that we were out of juice so i squeezed the remaining pulp out of my heart down to the littlest of seeds. But you wanted a barbie so you went grocery shopping. 

& all that was left of me was smoke.

the smoke from lies and nostalgia of your tire marks on the driveway where you had me take off running.