amaru

6:28 PM Scarlet Amour 0 Comments


I think to the days where i had it all planned out.
from my experience time is never on your side

When i was young and wanted to be a princess.
I'm stuck in a fairy tale & I'm not sure how to get out.
He was dreamy and he was everything i shouldn't have.
we were happy.

his knife stabbed just as hard as his words and left a gaping hole in me and i haven't felt the same since.
I lost all my friends.

I think at this point you should be angry. so so angry. maybe because you have a heart one size too big.

you are who you love. not who loves you.
I still need to remind myself every morning to smile
and i found myself reminded to keep you away from me.

Nostalgic is my middle name.
emotions are colors and I don't feel colors very often anymore.

My cheeks are still stained with tears but I am stronger now.
the blood pumping from my weak heart is full of love.

I never got the chance to thank you for breaking my heart.
These flowers you picked for me were once the most beautiful. even though they are dead, they remind me of us.

Scars are made to tell a story. A story of life a story of miracles and a story of survival.
I am no longer in love with a boy who kisses like a tsunami. but overtime the thunder comes around I swallow the taste of lightning off my tongue, and try to catch my breath.

I don't know where you are.
I accept you as a dream that haunts me every now and again and, as a wonderful memory and nothing less.

what a marvelous way to die.







0 comments:

I will never forget.

5:53 PM Scarlet Amour 0 Comments


Touch.
I remember each finger that fit so perfectly with mine.
The white noise. The dreams, the gentle movements as we slept so peacefully.
I remember sleeping with a body that felt missing. 
I remember the void.
I remember chills as skin upon skin, we loved. 
The deep color in those eyes. 
I remember car doors and yellow lights like the color of the sun when our smile's lit up the room like a white snowy day at the beginning of January.
I remember the alarms that I never woke up to and the smells that made my soul feel so alive. 
I remember the flowers. So colorful like love notes from the soul that wilted so deeply throughout time.
It reminded me of the heart. 
Each painful beat that seem to never end with every aching second. Every aching head ache, every mention of the relentless 3 worded phrase. 
It reminds me of death. 
and how I've never wanted to die alone.
& those flowers. 
that i've never got myself to throw away.

0 comments:

Vulnerability.

9:35 PM Scarlet Amour 6 Comments




"Paris 
was forced
 to live in a basement
 held at gunpoint."

6 comments:

Scarlet Amour, no more.

12:10 AM Scarlet Amour 12 Comments


Scarlet Amour.

The mask behind emotions.
The reason I learned to let go of happiness. Pain. Anger.
The drive behind my days. The pumpkin steamers, the healing.
Healing behind every bad evening, & every good.
The scars. That follows oh so closely behind love's shadow, but eventually fade away.
The hope. That the sun will rise and that the music will encapsulate my heart over and over again.
The goodbyes.
The best friends gone on missions. The tears. The countdowns. The food. The lonely nights. The crowded rooms. The inspiration.
The motivation to keep going.
Because the valves of our heart never burst,
unless we let them.
Knowing that one day, this life will be better.
Because God is & always has been love.
The love to love.
The happiness within ourselves, in our hearts, and in our minds.
Pushing forward with positivity in a high school of continuous disapproval. & because this world was never meant to be a final destination.

so forgive me.
If my swear words have offended you, or if i was never good enough.

& i know never seen paris physically. but i know its there. and that's good enough for me.

+Alexis Osmond.

12 comments:

Soul.

10:33 PM Scarlet Amour 3 Comments


Sounds of unapologetic screams and painful simultaneous uses of the word "push" make the playlist of a fresh heaven sent soul to enter in this absolutely terrifying world.
A world where we talk about bombs in Syria and Parisians with throats slit on trains. We talk about airfare to Paris these days. half off normal price. but taking the time to hover avoiding disease in public facilities is no way to strengthen any leg. 
We talk about love. 
We talk about caring eyes and vanilla flavored lips that glide down our bodies so innocently. Cells divide and nature throws its course in a fiery whirlwind so fast the hair we so carefully brushed covered my eyes so thick all i could see were the dark stains your heart made on my shirt. Blood. that the waves cursed with my body and i drowned. time and time again. Echoes of our heartbeats and the smell of freedom dance around in my mind, but we were injured. And all that was left were sounds of an unfinished love song desiccating in the dust. 

3 comments:

The heart. No where to be found.

10:40 PM Scarlet Amour 1 Comments



when he left,
you found yourself mindless. 
when he left,
you couldn't sleep in your bed because you were
afraid to feel his warmth. 
when he left, 
you couldn't bring yourself to turn on the radio
in fear of hearing the song he sang to you at 2am when it was 
impossible to sleep.
when he left, 
you couldn't eat because you didn't want 
to taste anything but him.
when he left,
you couldn't take a shower because the water
dripping down your back felt 
like his finger tips. 
when he left,
you couldn't breathe because anything else that wasn't
his breath was unacceptable. 
when he left,
you couldn't find yourself. 

When he left you,
you left too. 

1 comments:

When you give a girl a library..

10:58 PM Scarlet Amour 6 Comments



When you give a girl a library.. she'll find herself a book.
When she'll read that perfect chapter.. she'll want something warm to match her ignited heartbeat.
So she'll order herself a coffee.. while the windows melt with rain, symphonic with each drop. 
As those tears of angels pour.. she'll have the urge to jump.
And with rain on her cheeks.. she'll want to kiss. 
So she'll kiss her coffee cup.. she'll spill. 
The dark liquid will burn her chest and seep through her brand new white laced dress.. So she'll start to cry.
When tears consume her cheeks.. mascara will run, eyes stung in a never ending misery. 
She'll throw the book.. and remember why she never liked to read in the first place. 
The pages rip and bend.. so she'll have to find herself another book.
At the library. 











6 comments:

description.

4:05 PM Scarlet Amour 4 Comments



fear is staring into her eyes before a first kiss. fear is sharing every ounce of fleeting nostalgia that encapsulates your mind. fear is standing outside in the middle of a lightning storm praying to be struck just so you can feel again. fear is falling for inconsistent human beings with inconsistent heart beats that are impossible to keep up with. fear consumes the soul like the fire that consumed her heart and turned it into ash.
fear is finding the courage to push away fear. yet fear is trust. and i have yet to feel fearful. 

4 comments:

alive in movement

10:35 AM Scarlet Amour 4 Comments



as we slipped through my hands.

4 comments:

How to unbreak a heart.

10:12 PM Scarlet Amour 8 Comments



- meet someone new
- wash away the smell of our sheets
- delete our songs 
- delete our pictures
 - sell the car we kissed on
- throw away his t-shirts
 - color your hair
- kiss other boys
- find a new crowd
- redirect the pain with a brick
 - consume unlimited amounts of chocolate
- talk to God
 - consult a doctor

you can't unbrake a heart.
- removal

8 comments:

Airplanes make for good love stories.

8:31 PM Scarlet Amour 4 Comments


a thousand girls. a thousand curls. 
a thousand blue eyes. a thousand tears.  
he said he likes you for your personality. you floated above what you thought you were capable. 
you live for the simple affections.
late night talks, hand written letters covered in scribbled pictures. the taste of irresistible mint teeth upon your lips that you can't help from craving. the smell of that cologne that seemed to perfectly compliment a heartbeat so loud from a magnetic chest my ears were so addicted to. 
we took off hoping to return. so high you could hardly see what seemed like little people so low below you. you've prepared for the moment your entire life to jump, so with risk we fell into never-ending doubt and self consciousness. the wind sucked the air out of our lungs and we struggled for breath so quickly before we realized our ribs were bleeding and our hearts became stale. 
our so called love crumbled like pieces of bread handed out to sinners on sunday mornings.
 I've never liked bread so god didn't save us from our broken parachute. we fell helplessly slammed on what felt like the end with regret. 
all we could comprehend was that dizzying darkness we had always feared. 



4 comments:

Lost.

3:27 PM Scarlet Amour 5 Comments



are the thoughts that kept me away.

5 comments:

Starbucks.

3:25 PM Scarlet Amour 6 Comments


Once there was a white girl.
acne Fair skin, braces straight teeth. had cancer Thick hair, has no self esteem slender. flawed in every way Flawless without comparison.
She woke up, and doesn't believe in God said her daily prayers. she was hardly Human.
She went to Starkbucks.
 to nostalgically drown. to feel any kind of warmth glide down her throat to the inside her body where she could relive the warmth she used to have.
to pretend to fall in love again.
to fill that void deep in her heart mind.
 She drowned out those memories of those boys she never kissed
that made her bleed to redirect the pain into her beautiful mind. She dated the tool shed and never had her fist kiss kissed her way through high school.
She fell in love or so she thought.
She danced but her legs decided to give out because her heart wasn't was in the movement.
she could barely move. all she could feel was the numbness of her bones that break with the touch of the knife that was thrown so deep into her back heart. she hurt. but she had to smile.
She was perfect imperfect.

her entire world was sunshine inside of a computer screen that she forgot what life looked like inside of a mirror. The world took over her thoughts like how that boy took over her soul and her mind that she forgot to think for herself.
so you may ask who is this girl? she doesn't even know herself.




6 comments:

Permanence

5:46 PM Scarlet Amour 5 Comments


there is no such thing.

5 comments:

2 Chainz

9:29 PM Scarlet Amour 1 Comments


Im different.
2 chains? 3 chains? doesn't make a difference.
 This world is a joke. and life is a joke. so put your hair down and get drunk..
drunk in love. drunk in your dreams. drunk in your kiss. drunk in this world. drunk in your arms and in your chest. 
 drunk enough to lay there with you. Unconsciously humming the tune of the duet in our hearts flowing with alcohol. That runs through our bloodstreams and into every one of our veins and where in your very eyes, I swear I see stars.
 Drunk enough to scream our favorite raps songs from the rooftops so we don't start the fight we know we'll lose because we fight. We're all fighting.
We fight for that front row of life. We want those "free tickets" you win on those radio stations no one seems to listen to anymore. but the hesitation and the doubt seem to get to our heads before the phone.
and the process of creating our own music comes to a halt.
We went to make something unique and of our own,  but we're all liars and cheaters just trying to make our pennys worth throughout the day.
we steal in the process of putting on a show for those judgmental strangers in the world to clap to.
"middle finger up to my competition" became so real.

1 comments:

Tourism.

7:16 PM Scarlet Amour 8 Comments


Take me to Paris.
Travel with me to a place of unceasing love and romance.
Give me your simple words in a language only we could understand. 
Take me on a tour through the garden of your hiding places & show me what it's like to fall in love again.
Show me your look outs.
Tell me what I am in your eyes. 
Give me the light in your heart & show me the safety in your touch.
Shower me with a love so thick no soap could wash us off. 
Whisper the words that captured my heart in place with no remembrance of pain and heartbreak.
Take me back to heaven where you & I belong.
Hike with me to the top of the world. Where one day we can create worlds of our own.
Hold me tight and never let go, so we can fall & fall asleep.
Create a life through a journey in your mind where all we do is dream. 
So lets dream. 

8 comments:

Rules to writing a missionary.

3:32 PM Scarlet Amour 12 Comments



Rules to writing a missionary.

1. keep it short
2. don't get too deep
3. don't talk about your life
4. keep it clean
5. restrain from pouring out your heart
6. don't swear
7. don't talk about your problems
8. don't send pictures
9. don't make him miss you
10. don't make him upset
11. don't fall in love with him again because he's not here
12. don't tell him you're sorry and that you made a mistake
13. don't tell him you don't know if you believe in a God anymore
14. don't write him back
15. Don't write a missionary


12 comments:

R.I.P

2:40 PM Scarlet Amour 5 Comments



The Intellilectual are a species of humans beyond this world with hearts that go no farther than the ribcage.
They're stuck. with desk in a classroom where they exercise the only organ in their body they know how to use. 
We've been taught to base our futures off a series of numbers and AP Classes. But news flash, the world goes beyond a textbook.
As a youth they took away our crayons full of color and were replaced with gray #2 pencils to be exactly like the other kid. They told us to dress a certain way. To learn the same information. To earn to same letter grade. To color in the lines. For what? 
Knowledge is outside of yourself. It's travel. It's loving people and creating your self into something beautiful to write about.
So don't tell me that bookwork is the only way to create a future. and don't you dare tell me that my life is determined by a number on a 4 hour test or that my skirt is too short, 
because it's not. 
Create yourself.
Leave the Chemicals and Equations to the non-religious and the 35's and get the hell out of High School.
After graduation everything is erased and you're left with a blank sheet of paper. So pull out your crayons and create your life. Be yourself. because no one will ever care enough to look at anyone's paper besides their own. 

5 comments:

Hats off to you

11:58 AM Scarlet Amour 9 Comments



Hats make my face look wide. 
and my oval shaped head has never been the right size. 
the curls in my hair are never where they should be.
My contacts have never seemed to stay in. and i still have food left in my teeth from last night.
most colors don't compliment with my skin or my eyes and no ripped pair of jeans can cut me a break. and i don't even like to shop. 
but I'm still here.
& i can't find someone to pick me off the floor of isle 1.
but all you can do is lay there waiting for anyone to trip and throw you back into the pile of the used and clearance shirts. where you're hung up for years wondering why does no one want me? 
i was beautiful once.
and yes, i was beautiful. and you were beautiful too and what we had was beautiful.
Our edges were jagged and your imperfections fit to mine in perfect harmony no choir could hit our notes.
The way my hands felt through your hair and your smell made my knees go weak so i fell.
& one day you'll find that one accessory that just gets you. because yes, it is just an accessory. and you'll never want to take him off. 
it's the one that shows you you're indescribably beautiful among all of the rest. and you'll love way that he'll make your hair curl. he doesn't mind what you look like underneath with his simplicity. but it's going to be a wild ride so hold tight to your hats,
because some have lost theirs. 


9 comments:

Flume & Chet Faker - Drop the Game [Official Music Video]

10:05 AM Scarlet Amour 0 Comments

0 comments:

Nov. 25 2014

6:00 PM Scarlet Amour 4 Comments
My curfew is midnight.
 but at 6:18, you had me.
You swept me off of my feet at a time where i began to question myself and who i was inside. 
I had nothing when suddenly i had everything, and
 I'm afraid of heights.
but those dimples combined with your uneven smile had my heart fall for you so i jumped.

It seemed like no time limit could've put an end to feelings but I don't own a watch and I'm not much of a hiker.  my toes are always cold and i don't know if i love to drive yet, but with you i would've hiked to the top of mount everest. i love the views. and the midnight lights entice my entire soul in an indescribable way. 
you looked at me the way i had never been looked at before. 
you held me in your arms and carved our names into a tree that was never meant to be cut down. 
we danced under no sun with those gleaming brown eyes bright like stars i had never seen before.
 You had my heart singing but you were tone deaf. &
i didn't mind it, so we sang. 
we sang loud.  Loud enough to where the 3rd level of our spot could hear us from that rock we felt awkward on until I lost myself in the tune of your heartbeat. 
I could feel that tune deep as my chest wanted to match the sound of yours. 
You were the first who lit that fire in my heart. I didn't even know how to start a fire but you taught me. 
I might have whined a few times but our fingers intertwined and my mind was finally silent. 
The moment that match was lit I was burning with a flame that traveled throughout my whole body and up to my throat and tingled in my lips.

i didn't know how to kiss but we did. and oh how I was so warm. 
You were patient and we sparked on that freezing cold road of flashing lights.
 Not even the cops could take back what you had stolen from me. 
but I had no idea what to expect. It was like receiving a moving citation without a warning or an instruction manual. 
My heart raced so fast that my 15 minute mile would've been proud. but you got tired. 
so we laid together yet i was still alone.

Lights always go out & the smell of candles eventually start to make me feel sick.
I denied that we were out of juice so i squeezed the remaining pulp out of my heart down to the littlest of seeds. But you wanted a barbie so you went grocery shopping. 

& all that was left of me was smoke.
the smoke from lies and nostalgia of your tire marks on the driveway where you had me take off running. 

I don't know what the word love is or it's definition. and i'm not sure if i've ever been in love before but i know we were close. 

4 comments:

Reality

5:08 PM Scarlet Amour 14 Comments


I am.
I am a human.
 I am kind.
I am soft.
I am thoughtful.
I am selfish.
I am a mormon.
I am real.
I am a real pain in the ass.
I am heartbroken.
 I am dramatic.
 I am a fighter.
I am a lover.
I am anxiety.
I am done with high school.
 I am I am I am. Sounds a lot like green eggs and ham but this is not a story book. 
Not even Suess could make up a children's rhyme for this intro post,
But here i am.
Fighting my own invisible battles in a world with invisible rules telling me who I'm supposed to look like and how I'm supposed to say my words. 
This is for you.
This is for souls with no confidence.
To the girls who have scars on their hearts and to the idiots who put them there. 
To those who's prayers haven't been answered yet.
This is for you. stuck in high school sitting in a desk counting down the minutes until graduation with kids who remind you of the walking dead.

The boy you've fallen in love with isn't what you thought he was. was he?
But that's your reality. 



14 comments:

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